Paintings and Nightmares Excerpt // 30th May 2011
An excerpt from an RP post I did. This paticular RP post is from an FF XI related one. In this post, the character Dierdreh (A mithra 6A model) Had already lost her memory and has a vivid dream durring this time.
When I wrote this I was wanting to convey something different and symbolic. I wanted to paint a picture in my mind and in the mind of others. And then I actually embraced that and melded that within the dream, using paintings upon the wall to convey different parts of her life that she had forgotten.
I also wanted to convey the human psyche by including an ID of sort (relating to Freudian psychology. The selfish part of the human psyche) This can be seen at the very beginning and also at the end of the second part of her dream. However, the second part of her dream is a scene representing her now falsified life. In her dream she sees the Elvaan Sarek (Model 8B) (who had been taking advantage of her without her knowing) as her lover. But later she is saved by Magnus (Model 5A) (her true love) as a sort of psychological fail safe. A trump car even
Anyway I hope that made some kind of sense. Dreams are always so hard to explain but I just love writing them because nothing has to be normal and one can think outside the box. ;)
Gear, cities, place names, etc all ©Square Enix
Dierdreh ©Me
Sarek and Magnus ©Pathend
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Dierdreh awoke and found herself back amongst the chasm she had once been before-back when she was the true Dierdreh. This time as she was surrounded by the mist and clouds she found a single door. She inspected it with suspicion and caution. She looked at the back side seeing no way that the door could lead to. But per usual her curiosity got the best of her and she laid her hand on the door knob turning it. When she opened it she was surprised to see a room. She slowly enters it as the door closes behind her and disappears. When she eyes the room it’s quite Victorian. Red curtains, Victorian furniture. In the middle of it all was a single table with two chairs. As she walked over to it she took a seat looking around the room. Then suddenly behind her a figure appeared. That of a Mithra formor “Poor little lost soul” it spoke to her. Dierdreh jumped as she looked behind her. “Who are you!? What do you want?!” She stared down the formor.<c>
It laughed lightly at her “Why, I am you of course. Or rather a part of you to be more correct.” The Mithra ran her index finger across Dierdreh’s shoulder as a smile curved upon its face. It took a seat across from her holding its hand to its chin. “It’s ashamed this had to happen to you. Things were going so well too….” Dierdreh shivered when the formor ran a finger across her shoulders “And just what do you know? If you’re me then perhaps you can fill me in on my memories!” The formor laughed whole heartedly at Dierdreh. “I could but…. on the flip side this is much more entertaining. I like this side of you better. But if you really want me t help you I won’t just tell you. That’s something you have to do on your own.“ She looks over to her right as a tray of tea and snacks appear. “If you’re me you have to listen to what I have to say!” Dierdreh exclaimed. The formor looked at her shocked at first and smiled “Foolish child. I don’t have to listen to anything you have to say. Don’t you realize who I am?” <c>
She grabbed the tea and poured them both two glasses. “I my dear…” She then took a sip of her tea “..am your ID” Dierdreh looked at her confused “In short my friend, I am the selfish part of your persona. I care only about my wants and needs and no one else’s.” Dierdreh reeled back a moment. “Then what am I supposed to do? Can you tell me that much” The formor Mithra scoffs at Dierdreh. “Well, where would the fun be in that?” The formor snaps her fingers as Dierdreh finds herself falling down a deep pit which seemed to have no end. “I’ll be able to push you in the right direction but I sure as hell am not going to make it easy for you. I like it here like this!”
((next dream)) The smell of mildew fills the air as Dierdreh slowly begins to move her body. She’s curled slightly into the fetal position as she begins to awake and hears the sound of water droplets echoing near and far. As she lifts her head from the damp cobblestone floor, water drips from her bangs as she looks around bleary eyed. The last thing she remembered was falling down a deep pit…The formor! She sits up quickly looking above her supporting her weight with her two hands. As she looks up she sees nothing but endless darkness. She then looks back down sighing to herself as she sneezes. Her eyes scan the room, an eerie light making its way in from beneath what looked like a large oak door. She raises an eyebrow to it and slowly rises to her feet. Her body cold and wet she wraps her arms around herself placing her hands on her upper arms and walks toward the door. When she arrives at the door she extends her right hand to the large steel handle and pulls on it carefully as she peaks inside. <c> The next thing she knew she was suddenly inside a long corridor. It was warm and softly lit by candles. Her body was dry and her cloths had been replaced with Duelist’s gear. As she looks down at her hands she stares at them in amazement and then reaches to her head removing her hat and looking at it with curiosity “How strange. What an odd hat…” As she continues to look down at it the hat was suddenly blown away from her hands. Although no breeze blew through the corridors, it seemed to just drift off. “Hey, wait a minute!” As she reached her arm out to grab the hat she misses and decides to run after it. She ran as fast as her feet could take her and then as if Gravity was pressed upon the hat it fell at her feet just like that. She stared at it as if it were an odd object at first and then smiled as she leaned down to pick it up. She dusted it off and held it out and front of her. When she placed it upon her head her eyes met a painting in front of her. “Strange, where did this come from? It wasn’t there just a moment ago. ..” <c> Her eyes gazed upon the picture. It was an amazing painting done skillfully with acrylics. As she cocked her head to the side looking at the subjects of the painting her eyes widened slowly. It appeared to be an Elvaan with long silvery hair pulled back in a ponytail. He was carrying what looked like to be the hat that she was wearing now. She couldn’t see his face though. In the distance of the picture he seemed to be walking towards a figure leaning over a railing. As she looked closer at the painting she saw it. That figure leaning over the railing was a Mithra and that Mithra was…. “Me…? Is that…Me?” She then heard a whole hearted but friendly masculine laugh. She turned around swiftly. Behind her on the opposite wall was another painting. “Huh…?” She walked up to it and saw herself again. The painting was quite vivid. It looked like a Smithies shop: Flames roaring in the pit behind her in the picture as she looked forward with what seemed disgust. Her face was blackened with ash, her alabaster hair sticking out like a sore thumb. <c> She glances across it further as her eyes meet the long haired Elvaan again. His head tilted back in laughter his eyes shielded by goggles. She smirked briefly and then turned around looking further down the hallway as many more paintings lined the walls of the small corridor. She glanced at them all as she passed by . Many were simple paintings. Most were happy and always pictured her and this silver haired Elvaan. When she walked past a particular painting she heard the sound of wind rustling tiny debris across the ground and into the breeze where the melodies of many birds float amongst the fall air. Dierdreh stopped in her path. She turned around raising her eyebrow once more and gazed upon the painting. She let out a gasp this time. It was a beautiful oil painting. Bright, vivid, cheerful, and most of all, warm.<c> It was an over head view look of a couple lain across a deep blue colored blanket with gold trim. The subject once again was her and the Elvaan. She lay on her back smiling sweetly up at the Elvaan, a small blush across her face as her arms wrapped warmly around his neck. The Elvaan was above her body on his hands and knees as she once again was only able to see the back of his head, his ponytail tied loosely this time as a few hairs lay askew from where they were usually held secure by an ornate hair clasp. Dierdreh’s eyes soften as she held her hand up to the painting lovingly. Her heart beat quickly within her chest. “What is it about this painting…It’s so warm and familiar somehow.” She then pressed her whole body up against the painting as if embracing it, her face filled with sorrow. As if that painting was a precious item that she held dear to her heart. A smile crossed her face as a tear rolled down her face. She took a deep breath inhaling the sent around her. It was a familiar and strong scent that put her at ease.<c> She knew this sent but she couldn’t quite place it. “Are these my memories? But why can’t I see his face? Who is this man…”? Unfortunately that content feeling was cut short as a waling scream came from down the hallway. She jumped back from the painting and looked up at it as a black oozing ink slinked down across it covering it up in complete darkness. She hears the yell again. It sounded as if someone was being tortured. She stood in the middle of the corridor her eyes glancing further down the hallway. Fear filler her heart but she was determined to know more. She just had to. She bravely turned away from the happy memory and marched further down the hallway. It grew dimmer as a damp humidity filled the area followed by the smell of rotting flesh. She walked steadily as the red carpet below her began to soften and squish beneath her feet as if it were dampened with water.<c> She then came upon a single painting lit by a torch secured to the wall next to it. From this distance it seemed to be painted in the style of fresco. The paint was lifted slightly in areas to create an almost three dimensional affect. When she got a better view of the painting she froze immediately in place, her whole body shaking. Her eyes darted around the painting. It was her, alone in what looked like an undead ridden cove. She lay there bleeding to death her face scrunched in pain. She heard the sounds of distant yelling, war cries , and worried banter, and steel. Memories of that night at Arrapago Reed and Ilrusi Atoll fill her mind in white jumbled flashes. One after the next. Her fallen comrades, their mutilated bodies, two samurai, her own yells, the pain, voices of unfamiliar people and then…<c> As if suddenly snapped back to reality Dierdreh felt something warm trialing down from her side. Her body already shaking she reached her hand down to her left side as she felt the warm liquid draining out from her own body. As she lifted her hands she saw them covered with blood. Her hands stained with the deep crimson her eyes widened and she is suddenly brought to the memory of Cadaerva Mire, the people chatting above, the Elvaan at her side, and then followed by only the eerie view of his mouth covered in her blood as he breathed heavily. His face showed no form of malice but she swore she saw a tear run down his face. It was Magnus. All he could do was scream. ((End Dream 1 part 1)) ((Dream 1 part2 )) Dierdreh opened her dreary eyes. She found herself in a warm Victorian style room similar to the one she had once been before at the beginning of all this. The canopy bed curtains closed she looks down at her body. It was flawless save for her scar that had always been there. She sighed as she reached for the canopy curtains ‘til she was greeted by surprise. “Well, hello there sleeping beauty!” Dierdreh yelped and jumped back as the curtains were drawn back for her. It was the ravened haired Elvaan. “Sarek…?” the Mithra asked. The Elvaan stood there looking at her oddly “Dierdreh?” He laughed “Who else did you think it was my dear?” She thought for a second but then smiled softly. “Of course it’s you Sarek. I guess I just had a bad dream” She slowly pulled the sheets down from her body and stepped onto the floor. “I have breakfast here when you’re ready for it” Sarek said putting on a pair of glasses as he sat at the table reading the local San d’Orian Gazette. She glanced over at him and briefly saw the silver haired Elvaan sitting at his table in his Bastoken Mog House. <c> She quickly shook the image from her head as she walked to the window at the end of the room. She wore an elegant pair of black silk pajamas. Just what was going on here? How strange. She could have sworn she has just been in Windurst but now they were in the Kingdom of San d’Oia. Her home. That dream must have really messed with her. She looked back at Sarek smiling as she took a seat. She ate her breakfast, they chatted for a short while and then Sarek dismissed himself to the bathroom to freshen up for the day. As he did this she sat down back upon the bed and contemplated to herself. Everything seemed normal to her. As time passed she spoke “I’m worrying about nothing…” She plopped back on the bed looking up at the canopy when she suddenly met the gaze of slate colored eyes. “And just what was my little kitty worried about?” He smiled sweetly down at her his hair draped damply over his shoulders and his leather pants pulled up but unclasped. Dierdreh smiled as she spoke. “That dream I had. I can’t remember it very well. it’s strange…But..It’s nothing to worry about really.”<c> She continued smiling at him as he moved down closer to her, his body pressing against hers. She blushed as he spoke to her. “Well then, I’ll have to ease your troubled mind wont I? I know just how to remedy that…” The Elvaan trailed off his sentence as he lays soft kisses upon her neck. Dierdreh sighed beneath the heavy Elvaan as his hands moved to her sides. Sarek was always so nice to her when she felt worried or sad. He was right. He was the only one that cared for her. No one else lover her or cared for her like he did. Then she saw moments of her dreams flash before her eyes again. The silver haired Elvaan had always seemed so happy with her. Who was he? Seeing the distraction on her face Sarek planted a lustful kiss upon her mouth pouring all his energy into the kiss as his hand trailed down to the hem of her silk pants reaching the top of her womanhood. She gasped as his cool fingers ran across her briefly. “Sarek I…” She said as she pulled away from their kiss breathing heavily.<c> The raven haired Elvaan smiled lustfully at her as he sunk his index finger within her womb, toying with her. Dierdreh gasped again as she squirmed beneath him her hips lifting slightly. He always knew just how to make her feel better in her times of need and he was always sensitive to her memory loss never asking questions. Why should he though? He knew her prior to this….didn’t he? Struggling to think clearly beneath the Elvaan as he played with her, she thought back to the memories again of the silver haired one. Many of which were simple. First the scene in Aht Urghan with her hat, the tea house, his warmth in Aydeewa Subterrane, Besieged, the smithery, and in particular that mild fall day upon Vomp Hill. Just like in the painting she lay there beneath him. Sarek saw the Mithras face fading off into thought and ran his hands across her silken top feeling her perk breast beneath his hands. Dierdreh looked up at him her eyes full of worry. “No… don’t” She spoke quietly to Sarek. <c> He didn’t oblige. Instead, he smiled widely as he ran his hand under her top. His warm hands had suddenly become clammy and cool. No longer were they warm and full of care. Dierdreh squinted her eyes shut, the memory of Vomp Hill coming back to her as she remembers staring up at the silver haired Elvaan. If her memory served her correctly the Elvaan had been playfully poking fun at her ‘til he tackled her onto the blanket below them his hair slightly disheveled from the slight rough housing. She remembered his sweet and loving smile and laughter as he looked down at her. Then she felt a name form at her lips as the silver haired Elvaan sweetly kissed her there on that wonderful autumn day… “Magnus…” Sarek growled as she heard her say his brothers name and grabbed at her breast forcefully. Dierdreh yelped. “No…! Please… stop it! This isn’t right….!” Dierdreh panicked trying to loosen herself from his grip “You lied to me….! Why did you do this!?” Sarek fiercely ripped off her silken top, a few stray buttons popping off onto the bed “You listen to me woman! I own you now! You will listen to me and only me!” <c> As he looked down at her with primal rage she screamed and panicked in fear. “No…! I don’t want this….!” She slapped him across the face and managed to crawl away briefly “Magnus! Help me!” She tried to crawl away but her ankles were gripped tightly in Sarek’s grip as he quickly lowered his pants to his feet and left the Mithra her on her knees pressing her head down into the bed roughly. “You stupid little whore!” he spat at her as he pulled down her silken pants and ogled her. Dierdreh panicked as Tears formed in her eyes. In her mind she began begging for Magnus to save her. Is this what Altana saw fit as her punishment for all the bad things she had placed upon Magnus? She jumped as she felt him rub his lengths across her bare glutes, her whole body wracking in fear. She spoke at first in whimpers. “Please…Magnus…I’m sorry…..” She paused a moment and she screamed. “Please save me Magnus…I’m sorry I hurt you! Please don’t leave me here like this!” (( Cue Magnus >.>b )) In her dream, Dierdreh’s struggled beneath the man’s weight as she continued to yell for Magnus until the man abover her shoved her face further down into the bed “Shut up…. JUST SHUT UP!” Tears formed within her eyes staining the bed below her as she felt a throbbing heat against her back side. She sobbed violently. This was it. He wasn’t coming for her. She had hurt him too much for words to want to come and save her. What had she done to him? This was her just punishment for hurting one that held her so dear. “Forgive me Magnus..!” She muffled as her face was pressed into the sheets. When Sarek heard this he yanked at her hair pulling her head back with it. She yelped as she gripped the sheets below her, ready to accept her punishment. As if her cries were a sort of summon, a rapping sound came from the other side of the room’s door. For a moment, it almost sounded like a meek scratching. A flash of silver filled the air suddenly, and as quickly as it appeared, it was gone. The knocking on the door became louder; more frantic sounding. It continued until the point where the rapping no longer sounded human, but almost like a rapid succession or battering ram slams. Suddenly, a fragment of the wooden door blew open as a fist came through a fresh hole. It detracted, and again another hole was made in similar fashion in another area on the door. Even though it was made of a flimsy wood, it seemed to hold whoever was trying to break in like concrete or even pure steel. Again, another burst of wood. As the holes opened, a flood of pure white light spilled within, getting stronger by the minute. In one final loud burst, the rest of the door simply blew apart in a shower of splinters and fragments, the room now emblazoned in a pure white light. A tall figure stepped in. It had a slender body framed with silvery white hair, though its face was masked by the silhouette caused by the light behind it. Reaching to the hilt of its sword, it drew and pointed the pale blue blade at Dierdreh’s assailant. “Stop,” it commanded, its booming voice filling the room with an all too familiar pitch. It was Magnus. Sarek looked up shocked as he glared over at Magnus “Where did you come from!?” He quickly looked down at the girl on the bed and then his face became furious. :I should have…KNOWN! You did this didn’t you!?” He gripped her hair tighter and forced her to look at the Elvaan across the room. Her eyes widened as she saw Magnus there in front of her. Standing there as if a stone pillar: Unmoving and stable. She whimpered as she saw him Sarek scoffed and roughly slugged her onto the hard wooden floor with a thump. Dierdreh cried out as she felt her body hit the floor heavily. She laid there pitifully her lower body exposed to the elements. It felt shameful and she hated it. She shook violently hiding her face from the Elvaan just feet away from her. Sarek was right. She was nothing better than a whore. Magnus stood there silently as he watched the display, his sword unwavering. However, as Sarek threw Dierdreh to the ground, his face went from total serenity to that of something much more realistic. Rage boiled in his eyes as he ran up to Sarek. Without giving him a moment to respond, Magnus’ left hand shot to Sarek’s neck, holding onto it tightly. Blade raised, he pointed it at the raven haired one’s chest. “Don’t… you… EVER touch her again!” he snarled, his grip tightening on Sarek’s neck, if that was even possible. His eyes glowed angrily as he did this. When Dierdreh heard Magnus speak she raised her head shakily as she watched him grip Sarek’s neck. His reaction was so primal, as if a wolf protecting its mate in vicious combat. Her eyes stared at those piercing slate eyes from a distance. Sarek struggled at first as he stared at Magnus, one eye opened and the other closed. A bead of sweat trailed down his temple as he spoke. “What will you do to me? Kill me? You can’t kill me fool!” He said with gasp as he then proceeds to spit in the Elvaan’s face. Using this as a distraction he swiftly escaped from Magnus clutched as his scythe suddenly appeared in his hand as if calling it to him. Dierdreh wanted badly to help him but found herself useless and unable to move. Her eyes peered around the room as the light of the fireplace filled the room. When she looked behind Sarek she saw something peculiar. A Mithran shadow. Was this some kind of trick of the light? Was she going insane? As Sarek broke away from Magnus’ grasp, he wiped at his face quickly before preparing for what his opponent had to offer. Wielding his blade with what appeared to be great skill, he kept his eyes glued on Sarek as he slowly circled him, stopping in front of Dierdreh. He would fight there, to keep her protected at all times. Growling, his ears pricked backward, laying along the sides of his head. “Foul apparition,” he began as he pointed the blade at Sarek, “Your influence on Dierdreh is at an end. When I spill your blood, she will be free of your clutches.” He moved in a slightly defensive stance, readying himself for Sarek’s first move. Why had he called his brother an apparition? Dierdreh laid there in awe as she looked up at Magnus. He stood steady once again as if he had not planned to let a single sole pass by him. Her face looked on with worry. She had not caught on to what he has said about the apparition at first. She reached up for Magnus’ leg as if she wanted to speak to him but no words came. She couldn’t. Not because she was unable but because she didn’t know what to say. As Sarek saw this he laughed at her and then looked back to Magnus “Haha…so you think you know now do you? This girl is quite the character. I didn’t think she had it in her honestly.” He stepped forward wielding his Scythe, pointing it towards Magnus. “I guess I underestimated her. But let’s just see how resourceful she really is.” With that, Sarek’s composure changed as a freakish grin passed across his face and lunged strait forward at Magnus with a scream. Sarek moved fluidly as he quickly sidestepped the blow. However, as swiftly as he accomplished that, his blade jutted out, just barely deflecting the scythe’s blade before it did any damage to anyone else. With an audible grunt, he used his Joyeuse to push Sarek’s scythe back to him before raising the hilt of it, aiming to jar his head with the end of it. If anything, it would open him up long enough to get Magnus to go in for his own attack. Sarek breathed heavily as he was thrown back with the small blue rapier. “You bastard…you think you’re so noble and loyal and strong…” The raven haired Elvaan trailed off his sentence. Meanwhile Dierdreh watched Sarek closely. It was strange. She remembered Sarek being more skillful then this. Her eyes darted around again as her eyes came back to the shadow of Sarek once more. She cocked her head looking at it. Sarek spoke again ”All I wanted was a little fun for once but you had to show up with your heroics….I like it here and I don’t plan on letting you change that.” When Dierdreh heard Sarek speak of how he ‘liked it here’ Magnus’ words struck her ‘Foul apparition!’ She thought. Her eyes darted back to the shadow again and her eyes widened with realization. Meanwhile Sarek snarled and lunged forward hastily his posture sloppy “YOU DISGUST ME, ELVAAN!” Finally Dierdreh spoke a loud for the first time since Magnus had entered the room. “You….you’re not Sarek! You’re the Formor…You’re ID!” As Dierdreh spoke, Sarek’s image faded away as if broken glass and what was revealed beneath as the Formor Mithra who had caused all of this. As ID made herself apparent for the rest of the group, Magnus’ hand tightened on the hilt of his blade. It was time to end this. Slowly he approached the personality, though he remained ever ready to deliver the final blow. “Your usefulness has come to an end, girl. That’s what you are. That’s what you’ve always been. Though you’ve struggled to gain control, you must realize that Dierdreh will always be pure of heart. This is something that you cannot change. Not as long as she has free will. Not as long as I am here.” Squaring himself in front of ID, he looked down upon her, as if he were regarding a naughty child and nothing more. “You thought of yourself as the protector of this vessel. No longer. She can decide for herself what’s best for her. Go now, and never return. Your reign is at an end.” He said this before shoving the length of his sword into her midsection before ripping it back out. Falling to her knees her eyes wide she looks up at Magnus. “Damn girl….” She squints her eyes slightly as she cranes her eyes over to the girl. “You were a lot stronger than I thought you blasted girl….but.” She fell back slowly as the Elvaan whipped the sword back from within her with one swipe and grinned feverishly to the girl. You’ll never really be able to rid of me Dierdreh. You can’t hide behind this man forever…I’ll be back, just you wait and see..” The formor laughed heavily as her image faded away. Her eyes were the last to fade as they glowed brightly until they to fade into darkness and all that was left in the room was Dierdreh and Magnus. As Dierdreh stared forward to where the Formor had been standing her eyes darted to Magnus. She quickly looked away again her heart heavy with guilt as she covered her face from him. She did not deserve his recue or care. She felt deeply ashamed. Dropping his sword, it simply evaporated in midair. He had no use for it, at the moment. Instead, he walked back over to Dierdreh. Squatting down, he leaned over, cupping her chin in his hand before gently tugging it to meet up with his stony eyes. “Dierdreh,” he said gently with a sincere and warm smile on his face. “The nightmare is over. You remember him, don’t you? You remember what he means to you, don’t you?” Blinking, he looked down a moment before looking back at her with concern in his eyes. “He needs you, Dierdreh. He needs your strength. You’re the only person that can help. For his sake, and yours… You need to wake up.” Smiling, he brushed away a strand of her hair from her face and softly massaged her cheek. “For him. You need to wake up for him.” Dierdreh looked up to his gray eyes while she leaned into his hand. She nodded as tears formed in the crevices of her eyes she felt of warmth cross over her as she closed her eyes and spoke. “Yes, I remember everything now…” She smiled as tears ran down her face as she seemed to fall into his lap and arms as she appeared to fall into another dream. One of that blissful Day on Vomp Hill. She laid there peacefully as she spoke one last time “…Magnus…you know I don’t like Black Pudding…..” with one last happy sigh and a smile she fell silent
